Q. How does the Missouri Synod position on marriage differ from that of the Southern Baptist Convention which states that women should "graciously submit" to their husbands? I am undergoing pre-marital counseling and am wondering at what point it becomes required to "obey" my future husband. Is it now that we are engaged or is after we actually say our vows? Does church doctrine require that the word obey remain in the vows? If the church acknowledges that there are acceptable wedding vows other than the vows used by the church, why can't a marrying couple agree to modify the vows to remove the word obey?

A. The LCMS does not have an "official position" on whether or not the word "obey" must be used in the wedding vows in a marriage service. The word "obey" does appear, however, in the various marriage rites officially approved for use with the LCMS. Decisions about specific aspects of the wedding service are entrusted to individual pastors and congregations as they work together with couples who wish to be married in the church. Scripture itself, of course, instructs wives to "submit to your husbands as to the Lord" (Eph. 5:22), even as it instructs husbands to "love your wives, just as Christ loved the church" (Eph. 5:25). Two reports of the Synod's Commission on Theology and Church Relations help to explain the Synod's perspective on what is involved in "submission" within the marriage relationship. These reports are "Human Sexuality: A Theological Perspective" and "Women in the Church: Scriptural Principles and Ecclesial Practice" (see the middle section on "Scriptural Principles"). These reports may be obtained at a nominal cost from Concordia Publishing House (1-800-325-3040); stock numbers #9-2426 and 9-2477).